Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
