What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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