did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
