imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
