So drunk its hurt
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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