and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
