There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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