Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
