Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
