Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
