Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
