i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
