i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
