I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
