Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
