this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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