If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
