Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
