I want to have your abortion
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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