Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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