Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
