P.S. I can't hear my feet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
