worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
