Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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