i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
