she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
just tell him i said nine months
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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