Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
