her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
