Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
