I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
