Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
