I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
