I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
