this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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