If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
