Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
