While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
