i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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