I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
