Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
