ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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