I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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