no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
