Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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