Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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