I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
