I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
