I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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