I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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