I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
