Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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