Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
