he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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