Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
