Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
