I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
